PekkY

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Shut the Fuck up And listen -2:19 AM

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Dear Diary,
Just what is the meaning of life? I was feeling emo so I went to google it. Funny isnt it?

We're all as insignificant as grains of dust in the grand cosmic scheme of things, all created randomly, leading random lives, and that our existence, or lack of, doesn't affect anything. This isn't a negative view---it's an extremely positive and uplifting one. Thinking this viewpoint (assuming it's a relatively correct one) as negative would imply there's something about our place in this Universe that is not satisfactory. Why not accept who we are? I think it behooves us to remove any conditioning that makes us think we're more special than we really are. Only then will be content with who we are and perhaps then able to truly feel alive as a human being.

More importantly, this view opens all possible doors and makes the choices endless. What this means, s that whatever meaning to life we give is borne out of our own creation. It is artificial but that's okay, as long as we're content when we go through our chaotic and complex life cycle.

While I believe what I say above is true (and there are many different types of arguments on its behalf), I never could specifically answer the question of what the nature of the meaning that we give to life is. I always felt people frantically searching for this meaning and the search was what gave it meaning but yet I felt there was something more than this lack of meaning and the futile search. At first it seemed as though each person's meaning was their own personal thing and finding contentment was what brought meaning to peoples' lives. For example, a mother might find meaning in her life by devoting it to the care of her children; a religious person may find meaning in their life by devoting it to their god; some may find it in the arts, or the sciences, or excelling in some physical activity; and a psychopath may find it by killing other people. No matter how it happens, all of these would/should lead to contentment (and who is one to question or argue what makes one content?).

I think the meaning of life is what you make of it, but what I think this boils down to is doing things that make you realise that you're a living entity, i.e., being alive. For example, having a great meal, going out with friends, or even enjoying a good laugh or a cry. That is when I realise I'm alive. I'm being alive. And that is the meaning of life.

If there is confusion about what I'm writing about (I'll refine it as time goes along), think of it this way: what does it mean to be a rock? Or a planet or a star? Or a table? Or a cloud? Or wind? Or a ray of light? That meaning lies in what each object is, the way it is defined and characterised, the way it exists. The meaning of "a ray of light" is just that---being a ray of light. Likewise, the meaning of life is just that---being alive.

Now, of course, one could argue that every moment in our lives is spent being alive. Yet, perhaps because of the way our brains are structured, perhaps because we have some form of self-awareness, we might not necessarily realise it at all points in time. And if we don't realise it for long enough periods, we're not being alive---we're being something else. We lose the passion for life and although we're creatures that are alive, our lives take on a different meaning.

So different people may indeed have an idea of what things to do that make them aware they're alive, but if the things they do don't succeed in this regard, then they may feel their lives lack meaning. Religion, and other institutions, promise this awareness, but my view is that they generally fail (and when they do succeed, more power to them!). I think not being alive, i.e., not doing things that make you aware that you're alive, including allowing yourself to be objectified (you can see why existentialists spent so much thought on this issue), leads to discontentment, forlornness, nausea, and all the other pseudointellectual garbage that existential philosophers talked about.

A reader pointed out to me that the meaning of life is simply the biological imperative to transfer our genetic code. This is line with Richard Dawkins' The Selfish Gene, where we're just vessels to propagate our genes and every action we undertaking (including the writing of this missive). I have no philosophical objection against this view (just go to a bar and you'll see evolution in action). I guess my missive above implicitly accepts the genetic framework and then as humans who are sentient and conscious beings, we have somewhat of a "choice" to derive more meaning, but there really isn't any (i.e., it's all chance anyway).

no one can put it better than Ram Samudrala.

Shut the Fuck up And listen -4:33 AM

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Dear Diary,
This world is too material. U can be an idealist all you want, but at the end of the day, I will be sitting down at the kopi tiam near your house and watching you pick and choose your choice of dinner.
Suddenly it struck me.
Why not use Heartbeats as currency.

I know this might sound absurd and make me an idiot with nothing better to do. But think about it.
Let say you are given like X amount of heart beats in your life. Where everyone has the same amount.
Every since you are born, you start the countdown of your life. With a digital watch to keep count.
Want something to drink or eat? pay 2 heartbeats.
Want something Better? Pay 5 heartbeats.

If thats the case, What would you do. Not eat? most uncertainly.
Most importantly would you bother living at all, watching those numbers tick would drive ppl mad. But wont it add so much more meaning to whatever you are doing.
This way everything is worth something close and valuable to you.

Want a sports car? pay 10000 for it. Would you??
Musnt you consider the people that made the car? how much heartbeats and sweat they wasted to manufacture it.
Or worst. Would people even work? No one would pay you. With what?? You cant give heartbeats away??

Would you go play soccer, knowing that your heart would pound faster.
Would you go watch a action pack movie, knowing the adrenaline would just make your heart pump faster.
Would you Fall in love??
Knowing that this girl would take your breath away and your heart races each time she is near.
Sex would be out of the question then.

Because in this world, you never take. All you do is Give. Would you then be selfish and only think about conserving your own heartbeats or would you try your very best to influence your surroundings and other people's life. Would you want to make an impact/a difference?
I cant imagine a world like this.
Would there still be Buildings, roads and infrastructure?

If you ask me? I would go all out to live my life. Trying not to waste a single heartbeat, this way I could really life my life to the fullest because this time, I can measure "fullest".

And I would gladly give my heartbeats to the girl I love dearly.
At the end of it all, during my last 100 heart beats, I want to be sitting down at home. With a glass of orange juice, with my wife and kids. And I would tell them that All this was worth every single heartbeat.

*p.s ok maybe not the times that I wasted heartbeats in the toilet shitting.

Shut the Fuck up And listen -4:21 AM