Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Dear Diary,
Happy New Year. Guess I have to start getting used to writing 07 on my dates, especially in the army. Lets see 2006, isnt my favorite year. Got back sucky A level results, Got into the army, still single, blah blah blah the list goes on. Didnt have much of a life in 2006, I have the government to blame for that. Dont let me get started on those self proclaim righteous people. In my book, they rank lowest in terms of intellect or anything that has to do with the capacity for rational thought. They bring the a whole new meaning to the oxymoron "military intelligence" . Fighting for the freedom of our nation?Wait wait what is "Freedom", I am so sorry my mind cannot compute that alien term. Urgh I am all emo-ed up~! kk no more.
Since I energised my emo meter, its time for an emo post.
Dang dang dang... Get ur Tissue Boxes ready. As for me? Lets just say I have shed more than enought tears on this one.
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Back in Singapore at last. Damn I do really miss that golf resort in Malaysia. Thats cause I am staring at the pile of homework yet left undone and all I had was a few days. Sigh. No choice, time for phone calls. Immediate action needs to be carried out. Operation "photocopy" commence!
Ok you do this worksheed, I do that one. Wait you do that one too, I just err compile haha. So we meet at whose house? No we are not copying!!! No no We DO NOT, i repeat WE DO NOT TOLERATE COPYING OTHER PEOPLES HARD WORK, i mean HOMEWORK!!
Our work here is call Reference, we Refer. Thats y theres a Reference section in the library. We Refer each others' WORK, so we KNOW what we are MISSING in our WORK. Get it?
Dont play guilty with me, you know YOU WANT TO REFER. Would you rather spend 10 hrs Cracking ur head on stupid maths question or the alternative. 2 hrs max, and then we can spend the nxt 8 hrs going for movies, playing lan, going orchard to see see look look and still have time to watch television.
My thoughts exactly. So what are we waiting for??? Time, Place comfirm please.
Phew~~~~
But this entry isnt about HOMEWORK, awwww...
WTF dont touch that square at the corner with a X.
I remember I was in Charles house, on a Sunday. I remember so clearly, I was there sitting infront of his sister computer trying to install my new game "Summoner". Last time i check I had a Girlfriend. Someone I adored, guess I was too busy with homework and enjoying myself that I kind of neglected her. My conscience caught up with me so I decided to give her a call. Thats when I found out u needed to key in a freaking password or something to call from charles phone LOL.
Anywae She picked up, however she had another person on the line. Joanne was on the other line. Both of them were discussing about something so she couldnt talk to me. Fair enough.
*take note of this paragraph*
School reopened. Yes no matter how hard we wished it didnt reopen, that cause was just as useless as stopping the sun from rising. The first day of the week. Went to school, looked up to find a familiar face staring down every morning. She wasnt there at the corridoor.
The day feels so normal, till recess...
Yay can go and find her, ask her about her holiday. I remember her telling me that she brought our ring to her GB camp and she was happy to show it off to her friends. Maybe I would ask her about that. Missed that familiar fragrance. She wasnt there at the canteen.
Met Joanne though. Wished I had not met her that day.
She called me to one side, showed me this postcard. From her? yes.
Many words, so I did a quick glance. Searching for Keywords. Not good.
Words to me to be summarised as "think we should not see each other anymore", "need to study","hope you understand".
Bullets could kill you, yet words could do so much more than just kill. They tear you apart. They tore my heart apart.
I took it all in, even better, at least I managed to say thanks for showing it to me. Joanne asked if I was ok. Even If I said I was fine, Anyone could tell by the tone of my voice that it was a lie.
I saw this coming, I wasnt surprised. I wasnt the best boyfriend to her, especially to the end, she has every right to do what she just did.
But I guess actually doing it was another thing altogether.
Didnt really tell anyone, People couldnt have guessed it wrong anyway. My face carried sadness, disconsolateness and misery. Not to mention the "Fuck off, I am emo" on my forehead. Lessons didnt matter. I remember Cassandra comforting me, she was sitting beside me as people walked pass giving me the pitiful look.
Nah I didnt cry. Not in school, not there, not then. I went home, in agony. I never felt so alone.
I tried so hard not to cry, not to let my family know. Which child could ever lie to their mother. She saw through it immediately. She didnt say much, all she did was touch my head and say "its ok". I wanted to hug her and cry, but then again, I dont do such things. Maybe she knew I wanted to. Maybe.
The final straw came when somehow my brother knew about it. I remember that night he teased me about it, laughed at me, mocked me.
I cried.
I wonder why did I cry?
Was it because I knew I could have treated her better? If so then she wouldnt have left.
Was it because the relationship we had was to me, magical? Thats why it hurt so bad.
Too bad, it was both.
I guess it hurts so bad because...
I really did love her.
Shut the Fuck up And listen -5:32 AM
