Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Dear Diary,
Before I continue, maybe I should give you guys something to ponder over. Ever been in a situation where by someone ask you THAT QUESTION:
"What kind of person am I" or "What do you think of my character"
~Dang~
And you always seem to be stuck and end up stoning there for about 5 secs before spilling out crap comments like :
"I think you are nice"
"ok la, not bad"
"dont know lehz, ok lor"
The word "nice" and "ok" seem to be common on the menu on describing a person. And most probably that person would just take it as it is, going home thinking that they are just "nice" and "ok la". Come On, give me a break! If thats the case then 99.9% person of our frens would be "nice".
Same goes to saying it to girls. Suddenly your girlfriend pops the question,
"Why do you love me?"
And you will find yourself in the same situation, only these time you know you have to be careful in your choice of words. However if she ask this question when you are about to sleep, your answer (in a desparate attempt to dodge the question)would be
"Why I love you? oh, I just do!" then back to sleep you go while at the back of your mind knowing that shes going to ask the very same question tommorrow.
And most probably your answer will be, "you are a nice person and we have so much fun together, most of all, you are so beautiful"
Come ON!
End up the girl will walk home thinking that the guy only likes me for my looks.
So next time please be more creative, learn some quotes, watch more movies, read more poems. Come up with something like:
If I were your bag, I would be able to be carried around by you and stick close you.
If I were your cup, I would be able to kiss your lips every time u are thirsty
If I were your fork and spoons, I would be able to feed you all your meals everyday and you would never be alone when u eat.
If I were your pen, I would be able to do your homework together.
If I were your television, I would be able to see you smile each time a programme makes u laugh.
If I were all your cardboards, I would be able to keep all the stuff u love and all the stuff u wish to forget.
If I were your comb, I would be able to touch and smell your hair, making you look pretty each time you leave the house.
If I were your books, I would be able to bore you until you decide to sleep on me.
If I were your blanket, I would be able to keep you warm in the middle of the night, never leaving you in the dark.
If I were your door, open me to enter your room or your house, reminding you that there is no place else like home.
If I were your pillow, I would be able to watch you sleep and comfort you each time you have a nightmare.
If I were your table lamp, I would be able to keep you company when you decide to burn midnight oil.
If I were your fan, I would be able to watch over you and cool down your stuffy room.
If I were your computer, I would be so happy as you would stare at me the whole time, tempting you that fun can be just a click away when you are doing research on the web.
If I were your wallet, I would make sure I am always filled so you would never be hungry again.
If I were your shoes, I would be able to protect you from all the obstacles on the roads and take you anywhere you want to go.
If I were your watch, I would always be able to hold on to your hand and tell you when you are late.
If I were your rubbish bin, you would always find me at a corner for you where you can dump all your paper balls of fire and wraith.
If I were your toothbrush, I would scrub you so clean that your smile would brighten the world.
If I were your showerhead, I would be able to wash away all the dirt, making you beautiful and clean always. *I can watch you bath also =p
If I were your facial cream, I would be able to touch your face and make sure your skin remain flawless and smooth.
If I were your handphone, I would always be there when u need someone to talk to.
If I were your computer mouse, I would be able to feel the warmth of your hand.
If I were your chair, I would always be behind you to support you, be it studying or preparing for a test.
If I were your radio, I would be able to cheer you up and see the smile on your face every time your favorite music is on air. Studying would never be the same without music.
If I were your photo frame, I would be able to capture our most splendid moments and display it for eternity.
If I were your water bottle, I will fill myself with love potions to grant you your wishes with every gulp.
If I were your sofa, I would wrap my comfy arms around you to keep you warm and fuzzy.
If I were your pie, I would let you sink your teeth into me and let you taste the sweetness locked inside with every bite.
If I were your osim chair, I would massage your back after a stress day at school.
If I were your bathtub, I would make sure the temperature is just right so you wont have to worry about sitting on me.
If I were your teddy bear, I would stay by your side all night long when its dark and eerie.
If I were your shampoo, I would scrub your hair and make it smell like a springtime field of flowers, but I wont be of any use as your hair is already beautiful.
If I were your umbrella, I would protect you from the hurt and the rain, through the trails and pain.
If I were your CD-player, I would always be the one you reach for whenever u are bored, providing you with music wherever you go.
If I were your plate, I would be able to see your face when u eat, and see the expression of your face when you hate something but try your best to hide it.
If I were your window, open me anytime to see the scenery outside and breath the fresh air, reminding you that the world can actually be a beautiful place if you just use your heart to look at it.
If I were your table, study with me, cry on me when sad, slam on me when you are angry and rest your head against my shoulders, sleep and dream of a world where nothing is impossible.
If I were your fridge, open me to find treasures tucked in my pocket, I would give you an excuse to walk past the hall and take a peek at the television.
And Finally If I Were Your Boyfriend…….
I would respect you. Be committed and true to you. I would never cheat your feelings
~dont need to count, there are 40 reasons~
~Yes I wrote it myself, to someone~
~DONT BE A PUSSY AND COPY~
So please next time, dont give the standard "nice" "ok la" sentence. Thats not I want to hear and surely not what U want to hear.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Since my post is already so Long, I try to keep the remaining as short as possible.
So after my first Kiss on her cheek and she went out of the room, it was time to doll up and perpare for the mini prom thingy. The girls went to bath, giggling along the way. The guys and I went to bath too (there are 2 bathrooms, dont think dirty and we took turns, dont be gay).
I remembered wearing my blue shirt and black jeans (kind of a bad combination). Spent 15 min in front of the mirror getting my hair right before the girls came into the room. Chrystal was stunning, to me of course. She wore spaghetti strips(is that how you spell it?) and skirt, forgot what colour was it. Her hair smelled so nice, lol if there werent ppl around I would surely reach out and smell it!! Simply amazing, at one point I found myself staring until Joan came and snap me out of it. Damn it, If only we could be alone for 5 minutes!! I guess I would have just kissed her again, URGH! Stupid lamp posts all around me.
However all good things must come to an end. Before I proceed, Please note that Chrystal Ex boyfriend was also in her class and thus he was also present in the same chalet.
Time to Vote best Dressed male and female. =sad part=
I of course voted for Chrystal, she didnt win though. But when I peeped at her paper, OMG she didnt vote for me because the first letter I saw wasnt P but begins with a M. Who else? Marshall, Chrystal's ex. Fuck he looks like a chao ah beng, why vote for him. Then I got worried cause I remembered something that happen in the room upstairs about 10 minutes ago.
When we were preparing I think I sort of overheard the girls talking. One of them asking Chrystal if she had still feelings for her ex. And she replyed
"yes, its cannot help it one"
I didnt really think of it much cause hey shes my girlfriend now and maybe what she felt was just some residual emotions that would soon go away with time. Then now with her voting for him, I felt that these all click together.
Imagine:
Black background
Snowing
Spotlight shinning on me
me kneeling down
whispering the words
I am losing her.
I was in a self absorbed state, Have I not treat her good enough? Was it something I said? Something I done or didnt do?
In the midst of all the noise and people I was dazed, disconcerted. Dont tell me shes falling for her ex all over again. And just like when she told me the last time that she didnt want to be with Marshall because her feelings for him ran out, is this happenning to me as well???
I was possessed, Even though the Principal of my school was invited to that chalet, I didnt give a fuck. I had my own problems to deal with.
I fell silent all the way, even when after the prom thingy ended and we went off to our rooms.
Following that, Chrystal Cried as her class was about to disband and streamed to different classes the next year. I wanted to comfort her, the guys asked me to go see how she was doing.
But I stopped short of the door, looking at her crying with her girl friends, should I even bother? I cant remember if it was Chrystal in her crying voice telling me or her other friends told me to leave her alone and that she would be fine later on. I turned back and walked away.
Maybe I shouldnt have done that. Perhaps I shouldnt have assumed that she didnt like me anymore. I should be by herside telling her that its all going to be alright, instead of all her other friends. I Should Be The One She Should Be Crying on, but hack, is our relationship even deep enough for her to do that? If I were to reach out to her, she might very well pulled back.
I had enough for the night.I needed some time out. The guys and I went out to take the monorail round and round and round, talking bullshit stuff and eating ice cream. We returned pretty late and it was time to turn in. All the bed rooms were occupied so we were left with the living room sofas. Eu Liang slept on the long sofa, Mark and Gladys on the floor. Me and Chrystal both slept on individual chairs side by side. That was the most uncomfortable sleep ever, no only was the chair SUPER HARD, seeing Chrystal again made me think some more.
She still was smelling good. I so wanted to hold her hand and asked her if she was alright, to tell her how I really felt about my insecurities.Maybe that could win her back. But I didnt, I was too afraid.
Hours of tossing and turning somehow made the sun rise from the sea again. I suggested to Chrysal to go see the sunrise. We walked down the hill side by side only to find the sun rising the OTHER SIDE. Oh well.
We stood on the sand, never hand in hand. Maybe this was our fate to come.
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okokokokokokokok Thats all for today. Phew what a lengthy post.
STAY TUNED FOR MORE SAD MOMENTS.
Pek OUT
Shut the Fuck up And listen -4:33 AM
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