Sunday, March 19, 2006
First of all I want to say Thanks to all my readers out there. Your support gives me inspiration and motivation to keep using my braincells to dig up past history.
-Pek
Dear Diary,
Ever felt like a relationship is about to end? Somehow you just know in the near future the road that you have been walking is the very same road that she cant follow. An inevitable end that sticks in your mind everytime you see her. That end was washed out at the beginning but after sometime and unfortunately the truth began to clear the fog. Long periods of silence during phone calls, nothing to say during the conversation, an element of "bo chap-ness" everytime I saw her. I was starting to take her for granted. This is when the fairy tale ends and when humpty dumpty fell off the wall only to find that no one could ever piece him back together again.
Like a car running out of gas, an empty stomach or when u pang sai u bo sai pang.
To put it bluntly : Feelings about her are running out.
Maybe this was provoked by the chalet we had at the end of our secondary 2 year.
Chrystal's class were having a Class chalet at Sentosa. Her classmates gather for one last time before they are being streamed to different classes the year after. Some did well and moved up the ladder while some remained.
I was of course invited. She said it could get boring and needed my company. My classmate Eu Liang was invited by Joan and schoolmate Mark by Gladys.
Seems more like a group date for the 3 of us instead of some class chalet.
Oh well, all seemed fine. I was greeted by the familiar scent of Chrystal in the late afternoon and soon we were on our way in the monorail. Laughters all around, causal chit chat among the 6 of us. I remember teasing Joan about Eu Liang cause she had a crush on him.
The chalet was rather big, a 2 storey thingy. It was near the beach, I forgot which one, but there was a scary looking infrastruture that looked like an army barrack near by. A kitchen, living room on the first and 3 bed rooms on the second, one masterbed room and 2 smaller ones. I wonder if we were even offically invited cause the rest of Chrystal's classmates seemed surprised at our arrival.
We moved quickly upstairs and locked ourselves in one of the bedrooms where we continued to chit chat.At night there was an event organised, some MINI prom night. Someone will be crowned the best dressed, one male and one female.
During the process of getting ready, we played TRUTH OR DARE.
[Let me sidetrack abit, if I know who the hell created this game, I will personally slap him/her. Its the dumbest, most idiotic game that always seem to entertain the majority whom are those not in question]
Suay Suay I think I was the first one and sadly the last one. Well the dare was to Kiss Chrystal.
I was stunned.
"Pek searches memories of him kissing other people in his memory bank"
"Search successful : 1 entry"
"Old orange images comes out showing Pek kissing his dad ON THE CHEEK good night 10 years ago"
"log ends"
I started laughing, I was like Come on! Someone think of something else PLEASE!This is so Primary school. Then it stuck me, heh Shes my Girlfriend wtf are you waiting for, its nothing to be embarrassed about.
YOU can TOTALLY do this, YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IT AGES AGO YOU fucking NOOB.
Ok so I took a deep breath, then I started thinking again.
"Pek thinks of Possible Kissing positions"
"Digs up movie kissing scenes : Titanic"
"ERROR~~!"
"Digs up with different kissing technique : 1 entry found"
"FRENCH"
"Evaluating"
While taking my time, my friends got bored. I think Chrystal was also feeling embarrassed, she was sitting next time me but I could not look at her to see if shes blushing cause everytime I do so I keep thinking about the techniques.
So should I enter sideways or should my head be parrallel to hers?
So do I breathe normally?
So where do my hands go?
So do I close my eyes, I heard its rude to stare when kissing.
I am such a loser<---- someone please nail a L on my forehead kkthxbye.
Somebody please help me. Ok so now my friends got bored and Chrystal I think as gone from excited to relieved/disappointed that I am taking such a damn long time. I think 15 min has passed and the dare became "KISS ON THE CHEEK". Phew.
Pek being such a loser who has made an all time high on the noob meter still found himself caught in the same situation as before. You know the kissing pose when ur lips become a circular shap and ur cheeks have been sucked in, I WOULD LOOOK DAMN STUPID. URGH! ZOMG! There are people watching somemore!
My body says go but my brain is sticking its tongue out, THIS IS TAKING FOREVER!
Echos in my mind :
LISTEN UP PEK!
SHES YOUR GIRLFRIEND, DO U KNOW HOW TO SPELL THAT?? G I R L F R I E N D.
THIS IS NORMAL, GET OVER IT
Then my friends started noticing my ears and face turning red, I WAS DAMN SCARED LA.ITS MY FIRST TIME DOING IT *on the cheek =p I kept playing around my comb, on the verge of breaking it. I know its a simple task, buy why cant I just do it??? Everyone was like "what u waiting for". Peer pressure seriously sucks.
30 mintues have passed. I was about to explode, then Chrystal started to fidget.
OMG SHES GETTING BORED TOO, SHES GETTING RESTLESS! I had to do something, PEK HAS TO SAVE THE DAY.
In a flash, maybe 2 seconds or so. I reached over and kissed her on the cheek. Totally catching her off guard, YES! There was even the kissing sound, everyone heard it. Her skin felt soft and warm, OH GOD I DID IT! WHOOOOSH!
Now it was Chrystal's turn to turn red. Everyone was cheering! Woot way to go Pek! Then I do not know why she stood up and went out of the room. Hmmm was it too overwhelming? I didnt really ask her how she felt. Maybe it was something like "OMG WHAT TOOK U SO LONG, I CANT BELIEVE THIS GUY"
Oh well who cares.
Pek awards himself a medal of courage, jumps in the air and did a somersault.
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Opps I think I wrote A little too much, guess I got to write the next part (sad part) next time. Till then, stay tuned!
Pek out!
Shut the Fuck up And listen -8:50 PM
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Dear Diary,
Love is like a mountain,
hard to climb,
but once you get to the top
the view is beautiful.
The view simply was heart warming.
To show this, I decided to buy Chrystal a ring. Buying a ring for someone you love isnt something to take lightly. You cant just anyhow at any occassion buy a ring for someone. Its a personal item close to your heart. Giving a Love one such an item allows that person to hold on to a piece of you. This shows just how important she was to me and I wanted her to see that through something material. Something she could see everyday reminding her just how much she meant to me.
Hmmm something GOLD??
LOL I dont really have that much money with me, the best I could ever afford was something Gold plated. But imagine if the gold covering wears out! Plus Gold looks to OLD for me, definitely not what I wanted.
Something with a Diamond on it??
No money. Its not like I gonna Propose to her and even If I bought it, I dont think she would accept such an expensive gift. Better play safe ya?
Sooo I settled for something made of Silver. Then I remember I need her Finger size. Based on Past experience, I evaluated what her finger size might be. I thought to myself "Ok so I held her hand once". Shit.
I was clueless so I requested a friend of mine, Yanling to help me try out the ring. I remember we were going out on a Primary School class outing, to catch up with our Primary school mates so I kind of drag her in the shop to assist me.
Oh well what the heck, if it doesnt fit on Chrystal's one finger, theres still 4 other fingers on her hand to try right?
The salesgirl asked me if I wanted to engrave anything on it. Of course la, but how much will that cost LOL! Ok her name has C H R Y S T A L, 8 letters! Sigh guess I cant really use Pek Kim Yew, I dont think the ring has enough space for the both of us and 9 more letters is going to cost extra. Therefore Pekky it is. The ring was a simple one, silver all around with a spiral pattern on it. Most importantly it has "Pekky <3 Chrystal" on her ring and "Chrystal <3 Pekky" on mine.
To add a Bigger hole to my wallet I bought a rose to hold the ring. Its a fake one DUH, something like those 9.90 flowers u find at toy stores but this one the top part of the flower can be opened to store the ring. Cool right?
I can so Imagine the look on her face when I give the flower to her. I was all set and excited for VALENTINE DAY.
What u expect? I need to give her something right?? dont need crack my head for another present. hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha
*ahem ok that besides the point and I am not an asshole/jerk/bastard/fucker.
I was all SET, ready and PREPARED steady bom pi pi. My primary school mates thought it was a romantic gift, I remember Wearing it ever since I bought it and Pauline told me "Pek you so romantic leh". hahaha I was in love and I felt good about the Relationship between Chrystal and me.
Ok so I brought the ring to school during valentine day. I didnt put the ring in the flower cause I think it was too embarrassing. I put it in an apple instead. A FAKE APPLE la, its something my mother got from a jewelary store. A small cute cute apple stored the ring I wanted to show her so much, but I had to wait all the way to after school ends to give it to her. Our recess was different so Meeting her then was out of the question.
I expected she would receive other gifts cause shes popular but I dont care, mine is so going to BLOW the rest away. I played around with the ring, opening and closing the apple casing to see it every now and then during class. I wasnt paying attention to the lessons. My classmates made fun of me of course, trying to take it away from me or digging my bag for it. But the ring was safely kept within the palm of my hand all the while.
My form teacher even asked the guys in the class whether we bought anything for the girls. My name got sabo-ed. "Pek bought a ring for his girlfriend", that made me blush but who cares, I held on to the ring proudly. If I could I would let the WHOLE school know it.
ALl the TENSION and ANXIETY built up till the final school bell. I ran out of class looking for her, only to see her walking quickly towards me. She said she had something on and had to rush up somewhere, I was caught off guard. I spent the whole day imagining different scenarios. I imagined her all smiling and waiting to receive my gift, maybe getting a hug or a kiss along the way. Dream Smashed.
So she said she was in a hurry, I had no choice but to hand over the flower to her.
This is the part that broke my young heart.
I guess she did take a short look at it. Maybe she didnt know that the ring I picked for her was resting within the flower, cause the next thing she did was putting the flower immediately into her plastic bag. Then I expected a hug or something so I asked "how about a hug". She looked around, there were alot of students pouring out of the classrooms so maybe she was a bit embarrassed. She told me "not here". After that we said our Good byes and soon she was out of my sight.
'PIANG'<---- glass breaking sound, in this case my heart.
So I was left standing there wondering what had just happened and what went wrong.
Poor Pek, he spent so much time preparing for this day and his favorite girl just put his gift into her bag and took off without even looking more closely to find the ring. The ring he chose with his heart was left in that flower all the way till she got home when she finally decided to have a look.
She then SMS me to say sorry as she didnt know there was a ring inside.
Sigh, I guess if she had knew that moment meant alot to me she would have stayed just a little while longer.I dont blame her, I was just disappointed. In the end, thats how we spent Valentine's Day, we didnt went out cause it was a school day and her parents didnt permit.
Thats all for today.
More to come, The downward Slide of This relationship.
Stay tuned.
Pek OUT
Shut the Fuck up And listen -11:48 PM
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Dear Diary,
Ok I am still at Secondary 2 and I have no plans on stopping yet.Why should I when life was good to me.
It gets me thinking now, What is SO good about getting a girlfriend? I can be a bit Bias in this cause seriously, Pek's love life if rated will get a 0.25/10. With the 0.25 coming from his never giving up spirit and undying efforts. Sucks2beme in this genre of my life. Dont know why I suck at it also, DAMN IT!!!! WHY ME!!!!
*to those ppl that are laughing at me, Fuck you kkthxbye.
Back to my point. Whats so Special about a Girlfriend.
Lets evaluate the activites they usually do:
1)Calling each other and talking about eveything and anything you can possibly find.
2)Going out on dates.
Peks Bias opinion is as follow:
You want someone to call, check your phone book or if you are really despo, try the Newspaper 1900- calls, I am sure there are "hot" girls waiting to entertain you. You can call me but please call my handphone cause I got free incoming calls.
You want someone to go out with, Dont you have friends? What the hell just call me.
Then comes the argument about Hugging, Kissing, holding hands and all the mushy mushy stuff. Ya you can to do all that, unless your partner is not ready and gives you a slap instead or a Kick to the groin. I have no quarrel with that, all the above are great mind blowing orgasmic experiences, espically with the one you love.
Heres comes the BIG BUT...
Is it really that important to have all of the above.
Oh well, I am really bias so I am sorry to all the couples out there. Being reject too many times turned my heart into stone. All hail causal SEX. Sigh, I'm jK.
OK enough of theses useless typing already! Back to Pek's 101.
OOOOOK, SO now I am with Chrystal and No we did not do all of the ABOVE. We only did 2 things, one being the holdng of hands. Dont be an idiot and mock me because We only held hands once.
Dont fucking try to cover ur laughter, it took really alot of guts to hold her hand.
We were going out on a double date, me and Chrystal, Hwa and Joan. Theme of the day was Movies. I remember I wore my Greyish White Billabong Collar Shirt outside and inside was a T-Shirt.
Note to self: Never wear double layer again please, its over doing it and too freaking hot.
Forgot what was Chrystal wearing though. This was one of our first Offical dates together. Wonder why did I agree to let Hwa and company come with us hmmm, It was Chrystal's Idea so I have no choice.
I dont remember which Cinema we went to nor the Movie's name, but I know it was something to do with Baseball and a bunch of kids. Well it doesnt matter anyway, My eyes were on her most of the time.
You know all those TV shows when the bf and gf are in the cinema and the bf will try all ways to hold her hand, the old yawning trick, the hesitation, the sweat flowing TENSION.
Think along that line cause I was going through the same thing. The Yawning trick was out, its too obvious and I scared the person behind may say "Hey Your Hand is Blocking my View" which will totally blow my cover.
So I was just sitting there staring at the screen with the view of her right hand just at the corner of my eye.
"COME ON PEK"
"GOGOGO YOU ARE SO CLOSE"
"OMG WHAT ARE U WAITING FOR"
"ITS EASY COME ON"
My left hand was resting on my left thigh, just inches away from her hand. I dont know if she notice my hand but her hand was resting on the arm rest. Who puts his/her hand flat on the arm rest when watching a movie. Then it stuck me like a slap of shit.
OMG SHES WAITING FOR ME!!! SHES TRYING TO MAKE MY ATTEMPT EASIER!!! COME ON!!!
Wait wait Hold on. What about Hwa?
I forgot about Hwa and Joan, What are they doing??
OH NO, For crying out loud they are already holding hands!!
If there was anytime to panick and act fast that was the time. And then another Slap of shit struck me again.
No wonder her hand was on the rest, she was hoping I will do the same!! How could I ever be so stupid and not notice this. I must have spent 45 minutes thinking whether to go for it or not. Ok I am a Loser SHUT UP kkthx. Hwa good job _!_.
And just 2 Slaps of shit isnt enough for Pek Kim Yew.
The next thing came the WORST, DUMBEST, LAMEST thing I have ever done.
Out come this RIDICULES sentence from my SMLJ mouth from my SMLJ brain.
"err"
"Can I hold your hand"
Dannnnnnnnnnnnng. This is when everyhing turn black and theres a spotlight shining on my ass with the sad pathetic song playing in the background.
And voices like this echoing in my head:
Pek! Can u see the wall infront of you?? GO BANG IT NOW!! NOW DAMN IT DO IT TWICE!!
If theres anything more anti climax, feel free to give me a call.
There must be a sign of disappointment from her, she didnt say yes or no. She just open her hand for me to hold. Ok shes disappointed.
Then comes another Slap of shit, err wait how DO YOU HOLD A GIRLS HAND!! This is when u imagine me jumping of my 20 story HDB and not dying, just 90% paralysed thats all.
How to Hold a girls hand, wait is it like this, like that or like that. Do they even teach this stuff in school. Where has Sex education gone, MOE should change it to "Dating tips" lesson, I could sure use it now.
Wait, hold that thought! Havnt I held hands with a girl before. OH ya, that was in Primary school. OH ya that was during my Japan trip when I held my mother's hand in DISNEYLAND u dumbass.
I could hold back anymore, sigh. I went with the pri school method.
Someone slap me with another pile of shit please thx.
Someone stamp me with a big letter L on my forehead thx.
Chrystal knew that wasnt the way, she changed to the interlocking method immediately.
SIGH.
But after all this EMBARRASSING moments. It was beautiful. I never held another girl's hand like that from that day so I can still feel her touch.
The Gentle Touch of Her Hand
Could make flowers Grow from Sand
Her thumb gently rubbing against my hand, and mine on hers. Simply amazing, I love that feeling, it felt as if holding her hand meant holding her heart as well. We were in our own world by then. Just sitting there, hand in hand, I am lost for words. This feeling cannot be described, It has to be felt. If only I could find enough words to make this paragraph abit longer just to signify that emotion.
I didnt want the movie to end, suddenly time just fast forward somehow. The lights came on and our hands parted. I didnt want to let go, I wanted to hold on to her hand forever.
But it seems forever was too long in the end.
SO we left blah blah blah. Leaving behind my only experience with holding hands.
Till next time then.
Pek OUT!!
Shut the Fuck up And listen -6:25 AM
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