PekkY

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Dear Diary,
I am feeling as though I am losing something. Something very important. Most people dont know it and are oblivious to it. Its like not knowing if there are actually mis-spelled words in the dictionary. I am special for now, I posses great power. But soon all this is going to be taken away from me by The world.
This gift was given, bestowed to me since birth. Never a curse. Its as though I was born a super hero. Unfortunately as time goes by, its a struggle to never give up this power. But ironically its this struggle that is making me lose it. Helpless.
Whats this gift again??
Well its simply the power of Youth. And the more I fight it, the more I realise that I am never going to get it back. Scary isnt it?

So what is it that makes me a Super hero. Its so wonderful.
1) I hope.
2) I dream.
3) I believe.
All 3 holds similar yet so Different meaning all together. Its these 3 abilities that make me invulnerable to the world. To put it bluntly, I can just show the finger to the world, and never give a toss to anyone.

Hope maybe the world's greatest lie, but to me. Its the greatest lie there is.

Dreams maybe just dreams, but try telling that to the kid who dreams of being an astronaut one day.When I was younger I borrowed books from the library regarding space travels and planets all the time. Its magical and theres nothing else to it. In my dreams, I could fly like superman and swing around tall buildings like Spiderman.

Believe. Well if my parents kiss me to bed and tell me the world tomorrow is going to be a better place. I believe. My parents told me that there are monsters under my bed, I believed. Just like being told that your late grandfather has gone to somewhere far far away, somewhere where the everyone is happy and they have chocolate milk shakes for breakfast everyday. I believed. You know all theses are fake but I believed. And its just as real as falling asleep next to the Christmas tree waiting for Santa Claus.

I know I am safe. If the thunder roars and lighting strikes at night, in my parents bed I go and all will be fine. If I fall from the bicycle, crying with a bruised knee, my mum would come running with a tissue, kissing me on the forehead and all will be fine. When I broke up with my girlfriend, my mother put her arms around me and said it was ok. Just by her saying it makes it all better.

I go to school, trying to get ready to face the world. But school never really teaches you to tackle the world. Maths and science. They teach you that failing and passing are bad. Score well is the only good. I have failed many tests and exams. Did badly for some. But I guess its ok, I am still learning after all. To me school only teaches you to fear the world.
I had my first love in school.
Its during youthful days that Love was so pure and innocent. When young boys and girls blush by holding hands. Your first kiss, there is none like it. Its just you and me in the world of our own. Never was there the involvement of sex, money and affairs. Never it was about living together and discovering that he or she actually squeezes the toothpaste from the middle and not the bottom.
Its during youthful days that friends are forever. Bff. No backstabbing or gaining from other people's demise. Arguments are all forgotten by a simple handshake or after a good night's sleeping. Pretending that It all didnt happen.

Money? What money, I think my parents have them. I never know what it was literally.

I see a future whereby I become powerless. Slowing being pushed to a place whereby at the door, theres a sign that says. "Its a jungle out there, survive or die"
Just like going to kindergarten for the first time and watching your mother wave goodbye while you cry. But strangely after crying for sometime, you know what you had to do so you turned around and walked through the door. Just that this time the school bell doesn't ring and no one is going to be taking you home in the afternoon.
The castles you once built are washed away from the sea and rainbows only seem to just appear on oil stains.
Its so scary to think that 4 years down the road when you are going back home, you open your letter box. While shuffling through bills and more bills you come across an invitation card to your secondary school friends wedding. Or 5 years down the road where by you suddenly receive a phone call to a class gathering and your ex classmate comes in holding a baby girl.
To think that 6 Years in Primary school was shocking, this is so much worst.
A family to feed.
Bills to pay.
A boss to face in the morning.
Whether your pet fish was being fed.
I think I havnt washed my clothes.
Where did I put the keys.
Is the door locked?
Sigh.
Close your eyes, count to ten, no one to comfort you so you whisper to yourself that tomorrow will be a better day. Not going to happen. You forgot your magic wand is simply a rod wrapped in black paper with a white end, nothing more. Magicians are tricksters. No one to hug you except your favorite stuffed teddy bear you always keep since you were young.
You walk on the street of life and you fall. You get stepped on, pushed over to the side and you will find that there are people just like you, or worst off than you. Its like someone calling your bluff. WAKE UP.

I guess no one could dream, hope, believe forever. Sooner or later the sun will rise and her burning rays would wake you up from slumber. Or worst, your alarm clock rings.

My name is Pek Kim Yew. I am 20 this year. I hope that tomorrow would always be better, I dreamt of being an astronaut, I believed that my grandfather is with Angels and I have a stuffed Pooh bear.
It hurts me so much and I am crying inside. I do not like the view I see, It isn't beautiful and safe.
But I know what I have to do.

Wipe those tears.
Turn around, walk through the door
And hear the door slam shut behind me.

Shut the Fuck up And listen -7:14 PM