Monday, January 23, 2006
Dear Diary,
The end of my primary school education sparked of my taste for more knowledge! Well the sky's the limit . I think everyone in my class Dreamt of getting in the top schools. I felt so left out, so disappointed, so like an outcast as compared to those who swiftly left for top schools. I could see the bloody smile on their face, as if they had kicked me to the floor and poured shit on my face. IT WAS THE END, my brother got into ACS(I) and me? I made it to the school oppostite of that one. If u cant get in there, sigh, at least I settled for somewhere nearby. I remember my brother used to mock me, look down on me. During fights he would say that my results for PSLE was lower than his so I got no say. HOW THE FUCK can I argue with that, it was a fact, I fell silent....
As I looked around the room where I got back my school posting, I saw smiling faces, smiles as long Chris ****. Unfortunate for me, my surname was Pek, so my turn was never among the first few. I had to bear witness their joy and happiness. I didnt expect much, I got what I deserve. Hmmm since my mother was the one teaching me all the time, maybe I should blame her? LoL what an excuse.
Fairfield Methodist Secondary School was my destination, I was not amused. It was my 4th choice, what a bad number indeed. I was Doomed. Banished to the realm of yellow and blue, never able to touch the badge embodied by the magistic dragon with wings. But I wasnt the only one that suffered this common downfall. I was happy to find someone in the same boat as I am. hahahahahaha Looks like Jasmine is stuck with me for another 4 years *bleah. Later the likes of ZY joined our cause. I wasnt alone anymore.
Eh, on the day of signing up, I tried to console myself. I left the same time as my brother as he left for school. My father's car passed by his school before making a whole U turn to get into mine. Wait!! He didnt even TURNED!! Me and my mother had to walk as my father had a meeting to attend. My first impression as I walked in was WTF , this school is damn run down. Cracks in the walls and fading yellow paint. For the first time in my life I felt afraid to enter school. Like I am some crazy cb walking into a mental hospital. I remember I was told to check the board to find out which class I was posted to, LoL I think that was the only thing I was looking forward to. You see, I have been in the top class for almost all of my life up during my Primary school days and so I expect much from myself and expect others to think highly of me. I browse through the A classlist. FUCK la IT MUST BE A MISTAKE, THERES NO PEK KIM YEW. Sigh, then my name got to be in the B class then, its the least I can settle for. My heart broke, I felt so heavy that I fell from the clouds to be among ordinary people (no offense) at ground level.
My name appeared in the C classlist, it was the first time in my fucking life that reality actually kicked me in the stomach and say "Pek, you know what, you think you are so smart! Well there are ppl better than YOU, let me count ya? 2 WHOLE CLASSES!!"
I wanted to go home immediately, my mother had to drag me to my class to take my orientation package. IT CANT BE!!! I AM PEK KIM YEW for GODSAKE! I hope you guys can understand what I felt at that time. I really really was damn fucking sad, I think sad cant even describe what I felt. DEVASTATING!!
The problem I feel now since I am more mature now =p Is that Primary school kids are living the life that their parents what them to live. This may not apply to everyone, so those ppl can piss off. As I was saying, these kids get so attuned to what their parents want them to do that in the end, they feel obliged to live that life. All parents want the best for their child, they all want their child to be getting top grades, getting awards for this and that, being the best. And the kids are induced to believing that they want and can achieve those standards, cause my parents think I can. They are dependent on their parents and so they do not want to disappoint them. I feel that myself, getting back test scores, making the cut isnt for me. During that time I think I was doing everything for them, and so when I scored like a 70++ I felt that I had betrayed them.
Such practises just comes back to bite you in the ass when all of a sudden something serious like failing an exam, making your poor child at a lost. You think they are studying for themselves??? Think again Moms and Dads, maybe when they grow older, yes. But during Primary school, they are doing it for you.
This of course is just me, and my opinions are of course not valid. I just hope some of you out there feel the same.
OK ENOUGH OF THOSE SAD STUFF. Its making my hungry. This is just the beginning of it LOL, I havnt even started school yet!!! My secondary school days are on the other hand are one of the best days of my life, if only I knew earlier haha. Well stay tune ya. Those of you in the same secondary school as me, why dont we take the journey back as I recall some of the events that happened over the cause of those 4 years.
STAY TUNED!!
Pekky OUT
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE
ang pous come to daddy!
Shut the Fuck up And listen -1:46 AM
